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Monday, January 27, 2014
Recap on Recent Events
I'm going to just give a little summary of life since the last blog. My moods have actually been somewhat stable... manageable anyhow. I got back on the lithium and it's working miracles for me. I have to take a few extra meds to counteract some of the side effects, but it's totally worth it. However... I have recently been having weird side effects that I have not had before, so I did some research about my symptoms and what they could mean and all signs point towards me having hypothyroidism. It can commonly be brought on by, surprise, lithium. I am in the process of trying to get a hold of my doctor so we can get some blood work done, but so far no luck in even being able to talk to him, which is really frustrating because some of the symptoms are really interfering with my daily life. Also I have bronchitis and so it is draining me physically as well.
(Most recent example of my inability to follow through):The other thing that I need to update you on is that I went back to school... for a minute. I got all enrolled and registered for just one class to ease my way in. I only made it through two classes before I dropped it. The first day was so extremely hard, I had imagined I would be uncomfortable and anxious, but I was a wreck inside... later I realized I had forgotten to take my meds that morning so I was able to convince myself the next class would be easier if I took my meds before. Anyway, when I got home from the first class, I cried for hours, I was so upset and really wanted a hug, desperately I reached out to the only person at home.... my dad. I haven't gone into to much detail about my dad, but just know he would be the VERY LAST person I would choose to seek comfort from. But I was desperately upset, I asked him for a hug. He didn't deny my the hug, but it came with negative verbal consequences. I was crying harder than before by the time I got back to my room. I did go to the second class and with my meds in me and I sat through the entire class, even met a couple people, but I was mentally arguing with myself the whole time about leaving and staying. I must say I am proud that I stayed the entire class period. Unfortunately by the time the next class came up I had decided I am not ready for it yet. I dropped it but am planning to go back and start with the same class next semester, with special accommodations that my doctor is going to help me set up.
Last week was also my birthday. I turned 27 years old. It has now been 10 years since I received my first diagnosis as a Borderline. At the time, I was not told, my parents hid it from me, mostly because they didn't believe it was true based on the fact that they really knew nothing about what BPD is. Anyway, this month is also a one year anniversary of my last hospitalization. That's the most time I've gone without a hospital stay since I first went as a teen ten years ago. I see this milestone as something to be proud and hopefully it serves as an indicator of future years with more progress.
The other thing that's really on my mind is very important. It's about my daughter. I think I want to make a separate post about it though so I can go into more detail and this post is already getting lengthy.
(Most recent example of my inability to follow through):The other thing that I need to update you on is that I went back to school... for a minute. I got all enrolled and registered for just one class to ease my way in. I only made it through two classes before I dropped it. The first day was so extremely hard, I had imagined I would be uncomfortable and anxious, but I was a wreck inside... later I realized I had forgotten to take my meds that morning so I was able to convince myself the next class would be easier if I took my meds before. Anyway, when I got home from the first class, I cried for hours, I was so upset and really wanted a hug, desperately I reached out to the only person at home.... my dad. I haven't gone into to much detail about my dad, but just know he would be the VERY LAST person I would choose to seek comfort from. But I was desperately upset, I asked him for a hug. He didn't deny my the hug, but it came with negative verbal consequences. I was crying harder than before by the time I got back to my room. I did go to the second class and with my meds in me and I sat through the entire class, even met a couple people, but I was mentally arguing with myself the whole time about leaving and staying. I must say I am proud that I stayed the entire class period. Unfortunately by the time the next class came up I had decided I am not ready for it yet. I dropped it but am planning to go back and start with the same class next semester, with special accommodations that my doctor is going to help me set up.
Last week was also my birthday. I turned 27 years old. It has now been 10 years since I received my first diagnosis as a Borderline. At the time, I was not told, my parents hid it from me, mostly because they didn't believe it was true based on the fact that they really knew nothing about what BPD is. Anyway, this month is also a one year anniversary of my last hospitalization. That's the most time I've gone without a hospital stay since I first went as a teen ten years ago. I see this milestone as something to be proud and hopefully it serves as an indicator of future years with more progress.
The other thing that's really on my mind is very important. It's about my daughter. I think I want to make a separate post about it though so I can go into more detail and this post is already getting lengthy.
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