So today started off bumpy, then got rocky, but has concluded smoothly.(Thanks to good people surrounding me with advice and support)
I had trouble sleeping last night, so in the morning I was exhausted physically and emotionally. Then I got a text from my boss asking me to come in and talk to her in the afternoon. I agreed, but my anxiety started to escalate as soon as I did. I was able to keep somewhat calm thanks to Greg, who talked me through the frantic fear I was beginning to experience. My biggest goal was to get through the meeting without crying and without the support he gave me, it wouldn't have been a possibility.
When I got to work I instantly felt out of place. It was the first time I have been there since my hospital stay. Almost immediately after I walked in I was approached repeatedly by co-workers asking tons of questions, I felt under attack. Then I found my boss, who was very kind and gave me a hug. She then began to lead me down the hallway away from her office, she saw the confusion on my face and informed me we were going to the Executive Directors office, who wanted to be included in the meeting. ANXIETY RAISES A NOTCH. Then to add to the increasing anxiety, the ED wasn't ready for us, so I had to sit with my boss outside the office, attempting to remain calm and make conversation, which is hard for me to do in general, but particularly when I am waiting for something. My mind races so fast when I get anxious, analyzing every possible outcome, okay okay, not every outcome, I tend to excel in focusing on the tragic outcomes.
So finally, we meet. Long story short, they told me they aren't firing me, relief, right? Until they continue to tell me they aren't putting me back on the schedule. Hmmm...thank you, I guess? They said they would call me to cover some shifts on occasion. That's nice, but there is no way I can survive financially on a few shifts a month. I managed to make it through without tears, and left graciously. Made it to the car and started crying. I called Greg who talked me down and assured me everything would be okay and we would discuss everything more later that night.
I had trouble sleeping last night, so in the morning I was exhausted physically and emotionally. Then I got a text from my boss asking me to come in and talk to her in the afternoon. I agreed, but my anxiety started to escalate as soon as I did. I was able to keep somewhat calm thanks to Greg, who talked me through the frantic fear I was beginning to experience. My biggest goal was to get through the meeting without crying and without the support he gave me, it wouldn't have been a possibility.
When I got to work I instantly felt out of place. It was the first time I have been there since my hospital stay. Almost immediately after I walked in I was approached repeatedly by co-workers asking tons of questions, I felt under attack. Then I found my boss, who was very kind and gave me a hug. She then began to lead me down the hallway away from her office, she saw the confusion on my face and informed me we were going to the Executive Directors office, who wanted to be included in the meeting. ANXIETY RAISES A NOTCH. Then to add to the increasing anxiety, the ED wasn't ready for us, so I had to sit with my boss outside the office, attempting to remain calm and make conversation, which is hard for me to do in general, but particularly when I am waiting for something. My mind races so fast when I get anxious, analyzing every possible outcome, okay okay, not every outcome, I tend to excel in focusing on the tragic outcomes.
So finally, we meet. Long story short, they told me they aren't firing me, relief, right? Until they continue to tell me they aren't putting me back on the schedule. Hmmm...thank you, I guess? They said they would call me to cover some shifts on occasion. That's nice, but there is no way I can survive financially on a few shifts a month. I managed to make it through without tears, and left graciously. Made it to the car and started crying. I called Greg who talked me down and assured me everything would be okay and we would discuss everything more later that night.
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