My Quest for Emotional Homeostasis

My overall focus this past week or so is my constant battle in finding an even, stable, somewhat consistent state of mind and mood.  I have been so unpredictable this last week, I think it's made me lose a large portion of the little bit of sanity I had.  I think I've stolen some of the sanity of my loved ones around me as well.  It all started about a month and half ago when I had to get a new medication prescriber.  I had been doing pretty well, but he thought he could improve overall condition by adding a new medication, lithium.  At first I was hesitant, I've heard a lot of mixed information concerning the drugs side effects and benefits.  I decided to try it.  I was on it for about a month, and my mood was unbelievably consistent.  I felt better than I had in a long time.  I was spending more time with my daughter, accomplishing tasks, just being overall more productive and a happier with who I was of a person.  Unfortunately, I was also having episodes of violent vomiting, nausea, vivid nightmares, and developed a quite noticeable tremor(as well as a few unmentionables side effects).  When I checked in with my Doctor and reported my side effects, he gave me the option to add four new medications to treat the side effects or discontinue the medication.  I chose to discontinue the medication and felts no need to replace the medication with something else.  The first day after not taking the medication I was full of uncontrollable manic rage.  I became hysterical, was completely irrational, and verbally attacking everyone in range of me, including strangers in public.  I called my doctor by the end of the day and set up the soonest appointment I could.  But I had to survive my unpredictable mania for one more day.  The rage day concluded with me having to take a very sedating antipsychotic and just knock my ass out.....  OK I've done pretty good so far to write this much.  Unfortunately, I am still wrestling with balancing my moods and at this point in time, I cannot finish writing this post due to an extreme amount of manic or restlessness and anxiety, which I like to refer to you as excitable misery.  I'm setting a goal to finish this post at a later time.  However, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I have a problem with follow through.  Any encouragement and reminders to motivate me in finishing this post would be greatly appreciated.  :-)